A Guarded Heart
guarded
cautious and having possible reservations.
Joshua 2:1 And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into an harlot's house, named Rahab, and lodged there.
My prostitution never was because It was fun. Yet It was easier to just have sex with men then to actually let someone love me. Faithfulness was far from my middle name I cheated on men like it was my job. Well it actually was like a job. But lets be serious I am still human and deep underneath my tough girl act I use to put on I just wanted someone to love me but I was guarded! I've been guarded for so long. So being so guarded it was just easier to sleep with men then to actually let someone in. Easier to allow them to walk in and out of my life alot of the times I caught feelings I always had a main boyfriend. Yet then i'd cheat. Then when I was 16 the prostitution started thats how I became the hard hearted harlot I hated men. I didn't believe people could love and I wasnt going to let anyone love me! And even if they loved me I wasn't going to receive that love it was going to have to just stay outside my wall i build up. It was just going to have to be something sexual because I had a guarded Heart!
Never Give My Love Away
give
freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone)
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I wrote a poem called Never give my love away. I mean the bible says that God is love! And mainly the reason why my heart is so guarded is because of fear! Fear to be loved and fear of being weak Fear of being vulnerable. Its a fear of if I give you my love then will you walk out on me? Will you cheat? If you leave was there something wrong with me? If you cheat was I not good enough for you? Are your feelings for me even real because I dont want to be the only one in love. Like it's onesided!Yeah I know i said Its easier to stay guarded and allow them to leave. I remember just being able to have no emotions have relations with a man and then be like iight dueces! There was no emotion, no love nothing! I wasnt going to give to anyone what wasnt going to be given back to me.. Love! Because I didnt believe people loved so you can't give to me something you dont have. Which was love for me So I wasnt going to give you love back and even if you did love me. Because of fear I was never going to give my love away!
EVERLASTING LOVE Copyright©2010
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE SINCE THEY DAY I CAME OUT MY MOTHERS WOMB
EVEN MY MOM TOOK ADVATAGE OF MY LOVE
BIRTHING ME SO SELFISH BECAUSE SHE LONGED FOR LOVE
SO SHE HAD ME TO FILL THE VOID THAT HER HEART CRIED OUT FOR
BUT I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH
BECUASE SHORT AFTER A MAN CAME TO REPLACE ME
&THEN ANOTHER BABY
SO THE LOVE I NEEDED WAS LACKING
AND SOME HOW I ALWAYS BECAME THE ONE WHO FELL SHORT
BECAUSE DADDY WAS NEVER THERE
HE ONLY CARED ABOUT WHAT THE WORLD COULD OFFER HIM
MONEY CARS & MATERIAL THINGS
BUT NOT WHAT WAS SITTING INFRONT OF HIM
I WAS THAT LITTLE TOY YOU WANT SO BAD ON THE STORE SHELF
BUT WEEKS LATER THERES A UPGRADE
THEN BACK TO THE SHELF TO COLLECT DUST
WONDERING IF YOU'LL EVER GET A CHANCE TO GET PLAYED WITH AGAIN
I TOLD HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE BY AGE TEN
I WATCHED SO MANY THAT SEEMED LIKE HIM WALK OUT THE DOOR
THAT MY HEART GOT SO NUMB
ANTICIPATING ON THE DAY HE TOO WOULD LEAVE
WITHOUT AN EXPLINATION OR EVEN A PHONE CALL
BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME THAT I THOUGHT I FOUND TRUE LOVE IN A MAN
I FOUND OUT HE WAS JUST A BOY
WHO DIDNT KNOW LOVE EVEN IT WAS TO SMACK HIM DEAD IN THE FACE
AND IT WOULDNT EVEN MATTER HOW BAD HE DID ME
I WAS LACKING IN OTHER AREAS
THAT THE DAMAGE THAT HE CAUSED I DIDNT THINK IT COULD DO ME ANY HARM
WELL SO I THOUGHT
BECAUSE I CAME TO A POINT WHERE LOVE EQUALED GIVING MY BODY AWAY
NOT KNOWING THAT I WAS WORTH MORE
SELLING MY SOUL TO THESE MEN WHO CLAIMED THEY LOVED ME
BUT STILL I WAS SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR THAT CALL
OH BUT WHEN IT CAME HE WAS ALL ALONE & HIS OTHER GIRL WAS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND
I BECAME HIS BACKBONE
HIS DRUG LEAVING ME EMPTY
BUT HIM HIGH IN ECSTASY
AS THE DOORS CLOSED BEHIND HIM
ME HUNCHED OVER TIME AFTER TIME WONDERING
IS THIS ALL IM WORTHCAUSE AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL LIKE NOTHING
GIVING ME THE IDEA THAT IF I BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD ID FELL LIKE SOMETHING
NOT KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE REASON I WAS IN THIS PRODICMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE
A PRODUCT OF A BABY HAVING A BABY
AND I COULDNT GIVE LOVE BECAUSE LOVE IS WHERE I LACKED
EVEN MY BABY FELT MY PAIN
ALL I CAN REMEMBER HEARING MOM I LOVE YOU
BUT IF I COME INTO THIS WORLD I WILL HURT JUST AS BAD AS YOU DO
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE STREETS
HANGING WITH gANG BANGERS WATCHING THEM SELL CRACK TO MAKE ENDS MEET
NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS GOING TO REST MY HEAD AT NIGHT
BUT I FELL IN LUST WITH THE NIGHT LIFE
CUZ ITS LIVE OUT HERE GRAB A DUTCHIE & A BAG
WE POPPIN BOTTLES TONIGHT
I WAS MARRIED TO MAKING MONEY SO I COULD FEED MY ADDICTION CAUSE AT THAT POINT I WAS TO FAR GONE
THAT I LET HIM SMACK ME UP A FEW TIMES
AND HEARING THE WORDS BABY I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN
BECAME IMPRINTED AROUND MY BODY
I TOLD HIM YEAH WOUNDS MAY HEAL BUT SCARS STILL HOLD A MEMORY
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY AGAIN
& GOD SAID PLEASE DONT WORRY BECAUSE MY LOVE IS EVERLASTING
bYjASMINE cOOPER
Being Vulnerable !
Joshua 6:1Now Jericho was straitly shut up because of the children of Israel: none went out, and none came in.
vul·ner·a·ble
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
Jericho is the same place Rahab lived. It was shut because of the Children of Israel. No one likes to feel vulnerable like people can just come in and emotionally harm them. No one likes to feel weak. I know I dont I hate it. Like someone has control to be able to hurt you. It got to a point I rarely hug people. I have this feeling in my chest when I think about allowing someone to love me like no don't let them in! It's like Jericho heavily guarded! I dont want to feel weak, I dont want to get hurt. I dont want someone to just keep walking in and out of my life when ever they feel its convenient for them. Leaving me damaged inside left to pick up all the piece. By writing this I feel weak Like im letting everyone in. I am a strong woman what if I give my love way and my love gets taken forgranted? What if I get hurt. Sometime we get like Jericho shut up because being vulnerable feels weak!
Let down Your Guard!
let
1. To give permission or opportunity to; allow
Joshua 2:18
Behold, when we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by: and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father's household, home unto thee.
It is so hard to let your guard down. To trust someone with your heart! Rahab trusted that these men would come back for her! That they would keep their word. She was left vulnerable! Not knowing if they would come back for her. A woman who slept with men day in an out. Believed they would come back for her. She put her heart on the line!
Joshua 6:22-25
22 But Joshua had said unto the two men that had spied out the country, Go into the harlot's house, and bring out thence the woman, and all that she hath, as ye sware unto her.
23 And the young men that were spies went in, and brought out Rahab, and her father, and her mother, and her brethren, and all that she had; and they brought out all her kindred, and left them without the camp of Israel.
24 And they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the Lord.
25 And Joshua saved Rahab the harlot alive, and her father's household, and all that she had; and she dwelleth in Israel even unto this day; because she hid the messengers, which Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.
They could of came back and killed her when Jericho walls came down. I mean when your vulnerable when your walls are down. When your guard is no longer up anyone can come in and do as they please. These men were ordered by the Lord to destroy Jericho. Yet this one woman who lived so guarded her whole life! Was set free because she let down her guard and received Love!!!
I wrote a book Called DEAR GOD, I'M LETTING GO!!!
I understand this well I am like Rahab. That was the influence of my cover of my book. The cover represents Rahab the prostitute who lets Go, becomes vulnerable and allows love to lead her life! God is love!(1 John 4:8). No matter where we been in life we all need to let go of something maybe its your guard, maybe it's drugs, maybe its your job whatever your personal case maybe God can help you! to Let Go!
To purchase a copy of my book click the link below!
guarded
cautious and having possible reservations.
Joshua 2:1 And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into an harlot's house, named Rahab, and lodged there.
My prostitution never was because It was fun. Yet It was easier to just have sex with men then to actually let someone love me. Faithfulness was far from my middle name I cheated on men like it was my job. Well it actually was like a job. But lets be serious I am still human and deep underneath my tough girl act I use to put on I just wanted someone to love me but I was guarded! I've been guarded for so long. So being so guarded it was just easier to sleep with men then to actually let someone in. Easier to allow them to walk in and out of my life alot of the times I caught feelings I always had a main boyfriend. Yet then i'd cheat. Then when I was 16 the prostitution started thats how I became the hard hearted harlot I hated men. I didn't believe people could love and I wasnt going to let anyone love me! And even if they loved me I wasn't going to receive that love it was going to have to just stay outside my wall i build up. It was just going to have to be something sexual because I had a guarded Heart!
Never Give My Love Away
give
freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone)
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I wrote a poem called Never give my love away. I mean the bible says that God is love! And mainly the reason why my heart is so guarded is because of fear! Fear to be loved and fear of being weak Fear of being vulnerable. Its a fear of if I give you my love then will you walk out on me? Will you cheat? If you leave was there something wrong with me? If you cheat was I not good enough for you? Are your feelings for me even real because I dont want to be the only one in love. Like it's onesided!Yeah I know i said Its easier to stay guarded and allow them to leave. I remember just being able to have no emotions have relations with a man and then be like iight dueces! There was no emotion, no love nothing! I wasnt going to give to anyone what wasnt going to be given back to me.. Love! Because I didnt believe people loved so you can't give to me something you dont have. Which was love for me So I wasnt going to give you love back and even if you did love me. Because of fear I was never going to give my love away!
EVERLASTING LOVE Copyright©2010
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE SINCE THEY DAY I CAME OUT MY MOTHERS WOMB
EVEN MY MOM TOOK ADVATAGE OF MY LOVE
BIRTHING ME SO SELFISH BECAUSE SHE LONGED FOR LOVE
SO SHE HAD ME TO FILL THE VOID THAT HER HEART CRIED OUT FOR
BUT I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH
BECUASE SHORT AFTER A MAN CAME TO REPLACE ME
&THEN ANOTHER BABY
SO THE LOVE I NEEDED WAS LACKING
AND SOME HOW I ALWAYS BECAME THE ONE WHO FELL SHORT
BECAUSE DADDY WAS NEVER THERE
HE ONLY CARED ABOUT WHAT THE WORLD COULD OFFER HIM
MONEY CARS & MATERIAL THINGS
BUT NOT WHAT WAS SITTING INFRONT OF HIM
I WAS THAT LITTLE TOY YOU WANT SO BAD ON THE STORE SHELF
BUT WEEKS LATER THERES A UPGRADE
THEN BACK TO THE SHELF TO COLLECT DUST
WONDERING IF YOU'LL EVER GET A CHANCE TO GET PLAYED WITH AGAIN
I TOLD HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE BY AGE TEN
I WATCHED SO MANY THAT SEEMED LIKE HIM WALK OUT THE DOOR
THAT MY HEART GOT SO NUMB
ANTICIPATING ON THE DAY HE TOO WOULD LEAVE
WITHOUT AN EXPLINATION OR EVEN A PHONE CALL
BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME THAT I THOUGHT I FOUND TRUE LOVE IN A MAN
I FOUND OUT HE WAS JUST A BOY
WHO DIDNT KNOW LOVE EVEN IT WAS TO SMACK HIM DEAD IN THE FACE
AND IT WOULDNT EVEN MATTER HOW BAD HE DID ME
I WAS LACKING IN OTHER AREAS
THAT THE DAMAGE THAT HE CAUSED I DIDNT THINK IT COULD DO ME ANY HARM
WELL SO I THOUGHT
BECAUSE I CAME TO A POINT WHERE LOVE EQUALED GIVING MY BODY AWAY
NOT KNOWING THAT I WAS WORTH MORE
SELLING MY SOUL TO THESE MEN WHO CLAIMED THEY LOVED ME
BUT STILL I WAS SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR THAT CALL
OH BUT WHEN IT CAME HE WAS ALL ALONE & HIS OTHER GIRL WAS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND
I BECAME HIS BACKBONE
HIS DRUG LEAVING ME EMPTY
BUT HIM HIGH IN ECSTASY
AS THE DOORS CLOSED BEHIND HIM
ME HUNCHED OVER TIME AFTER TIME WONDERING
IS THIS ALL IM WORTHCAUSE AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL LIKE NOTHING
GIVING ME THE IDEA THAT IF I BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD ID FELL LIKE SOMETHING
NOT KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE REASON I WAS IN THIS PRODICMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE
A PRODUCT OF A BABY HAVING A BABY
AND I COULDNT GIVE LOVE BECAUSE LOVE IS WHERE I LACKED
EVEN MY BABY FELT MY PAIN
ALL I CAN REMEMBER HEARING MOM I LOVE YOU
BUT IF I COME INTO THIS WORLD I WILL HURT JUST AS BAD AS YOU DO
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY
BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE STREETS
HANGING WITH gANG BANGERS WATCHING THEM SELL CRACK TO MAKE ENDS MEET
NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS GOING TO REST MY HEAD AT NIGHT
BUT I FELL IN LUST WITH THE NIGHT LIFE
CUZ ITS LIVE OUT HERE GRAB A DUTCHIE & A BAG
WE POPPIN BOTTLES TONIGHT
I WAS MARRIED TO MAKING MONEY SO I COULD FEED MY ADDICTION CAUSE AT THAT POINT I WAS TO FAR GONE
THAT I LET HIM SMACK ME UP A FEW TIMES
AND HEARING THE WORDS BABY I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN
BECAME IMPRINTED AROUND MY BODY
I TOLD HIM YEAH WOUNDS MAY HEAL BUT SCARS STILL HOLD A MEMORY
i told HIM ILL NEVER GIVE MY LOVE AWAY AGAIN
& GOD SAID PLEASE DONT WORRY BECAUSE MY LOVE IS EVERLASTING
bYjASMINE cOOPER
Being Vulnerable !
Joshua 6:1Now Jericho was straitly shut up because of the children of Israel: none went out, and none came in.
vul·ner·a·ble
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
Jericho is the same place Rahab lived. It was shut because of the Children of Israel. No one likes to feel vulnerable like people can just come in and emotionally harm them. No one likes to feel weak. I know I dont I hate it. Like someone has control to be able to hurt you. It got to a point I rarely hug people. I have this feeling in my chest when I think about allowing someone to love me like no don't let them in! It's like Jericho heavily guarded! I dont want to feel weak, I dont want to get hurt. I dont want someone to just keep walking in and out of my life when ever they feel its convenient for them. Leaving me damaged inside left to pick up all the piece. By writing this I feel weak Like im letting everyone in. I am a strong woman what if I give my love way and my love gets taken forgranted? What if I get hurt. Sometime we get like Jericho shut up because being vulnerable feels weak!
let
1. To give permission or opportunity to; allow
Joshua 2:18
Behold, when we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by: and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father's household, home unto thee.
It is so hard to let your guard down. To trust someone with your heart! Rahab trusted that these men would come back for her! That they would keep their word. She was left vulnerable! Not knowing if they would come back for her. A woman who slept with men day in an out. Believed they would come back for her. She put her heart on the line!
Joshua 6:22-25
22 But Joshua had said unto the two men that had spied out the country, Go into the harlot's house, and bring out thence the woman, and all that she hath, as ye sware unto her.
23 And the young men that were spies went in, and brought out Rahab, and her father, and her mother, and her brethren, and all that she had; and they brought out all her kindred, and left them without the camp of Israel.
24 And they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the Lord.
25 And Joshua saved Rahab the harlot alive, and her father's household, and all that she had; and she dwelleth in Israel even unto this day; because she hid the messengers, which Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.
They could of came back and killed her when Jericho walls came down. I mean when your vulnerable when your walls are down. When your guard is no longer up anyone can come in and do as they please. These men were ordered by the Lord to destroy Jericho. Yet this one woman who lived so guarded her whole life! Was set free because she let down her guard and received Love!!!
To purchase a copy of my book click the link below!
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