The Hard Hearted Harlot

hard·heart·ed  (härdhärtd)

adj.

Lacking in feeling or compassion; pitiless and cold.

Okay, so I'm no longer selling my body and I haven't been for a while. Yet I'm angry because I can't seem to jump over some hurdles in my life. It use to be that when I cared about them I let them love me sexually and then I'd pour my heart out until the day I got numb. Decided I'd never fall in love just have sex but keep myself from falling in love. I've had deep feelings for men but not enough to want to do what I need to do to make sure I can function enough to keep them. I've done hurtful things to men and not even said sorry but was like okay deal with it. Got to appoint where it was just easy to have sex and not catch feelings then to catch feelings. " Your just another notch under my belt" It's just safer you don't get your heart broken when they leave. In my case they always leave. Well I don't make it easy either I love from a distance and push people away. Everytime they get close I ruin the relationship as to say " YOU CAN'T HAVE MY HEART NEVERRRRRRRRRR"or" I can't have you love me because when you leave I will be torn and though I want you here forever I've never been that lucky". It's always been that way started from my parents my mother had alot of boyfriends they always left her, then my dad wasn't around then my mother had me live with my grandmother. Not including all the men who played mind games with the thirsty girl who was just looking for love because she lacked. Hard Hearted! Bitter! Cold! YET I'M TIRED OF MAKING EXCUSES I JUST WANT TO LOVE!

Breaking Down Walls 

              

               There I was it happened I walked into love.He was like a breath of fresh air  and I got a whiff of fresh air everytime i heard his voice  or saw how different he was. Yet its hard to smell that cool breeze behind this tall wall i built for myself. Yet i just needed to pear over the wall because i needed more it smelt like freedom to love. It was like freedom and I wanted to just jar it up and make him mine. Blinded he was in love with me how could I know because I didn't know what it was outside of Jesus. " People can't love right? Who's ever going to love me?Is my love good enough? Will anyone ever accept my love?" I love Jesus everyone knows that but have I ever really been in love? AFRAID! I even prayed and asked God and he said yes, God gave me the okay to love him.Hmm how do you do this thing called love? Not just lust but Agape love, Unconditional love, Forever Love, Taking up your cross type love(Jesus), Hosea loving Gomer type love, Boaz marrying Ruth type love, Christ dying for the Church type love, God giving his son type love! Yet it was different this time it was like standing behind a brick wall of your heart while they are on the other side trying to break free from your hardness of heart to love them." LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT I NEED TO GET TO MY LOVE BEFORE IT'S TO LATE." It's like Rahab being inside Jericho and the Children of Israel trying to march around it to set her free. You can say it was only for them to posses the promise land but was more than that it her and her family were the only ones who made it out the city. It's a story of her going from bondage to freedom. Without her even knowing she was bound behind the walls of a city where she sold herself to whoever would pay and when the two spies came it was God sending her a chance to be redeemed. She would no longer have to sell herself but God was buying her and setting her free from the walls of her past. "Jericho fall down I don't need you anymore because I am no longer who I use to be." As she hung her scarlet cord out her window so the children of Israel would not killer her as they destroyed the city. Her cord red like Jesus blood setting sinners free as he hung his head and died on calvary and when I see the blood I will pass, I will pass over you!

Joshua 2:12-21
¹² Now therefore, I beg you, swear to me by the Lord, since I have shown you kindness, that you also will show kindness to my father’s house, and give me a true token, ¹³ and spare my father, my mother, my brothers, my sisters, and all that they have, and deliver our lives from death.”¹⁴ So the men answered her, “Our lives for yours, if none of you tell this business of ours. And it shall be, when theLord has given us the land, that we will deal kindly and truly with you.”¹⁵ Then she let them down by a rope through the window, for her house was on the city wall; she dwelt on the wall.¹⁶ And she said to them, “Get to the mountain, lest the pursuers meet you. Hide there three days, until the pursuers have returned. Afterward you may go your way.”¹⁷ So the men said to her: “We will be blameless of this oath of yours which you have made us swear, ¹⁸ unless, whenwe come into the land, you bind this line of scarlet cord in the window through which you let us down, and unless you bring your father, your mother, your brothers, and all your father’s household to your own home. ¹⁹ So it shall be thatwhoever goes outside the doors of your house into the street, his blood shall be on his own head, and we will beguiltless. And whoever is with you in the house, his blood shall be on our head if a hand is laid on him. ²⁰ And if you tell this business of ours, then we will be free from your oath which you made us swear.”²¹ Then she said, “According to your words, so be it.” And she sent them away, and they departed. And she bound the scarlet cord in the window.

What's Happening out There?

Joshua 6:1-5

 Now Jericho was straitly shut up because of the children of Israel: none went out, and none came in.

² And the Lord said unto Joshua, See, I have given into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and the mighty men of valour.³ And ye shall compass the city, all ye men of war, and go round about the city once. Thus shalt thou do six days.⁴ And seven priests shall bear before the ark seven trumpets of rams' horns: and the seventh day ye shall compass the city seven times, and the priests shall blow with the trumpets.⁵ And it shall come to pass, that when they make a long blast with the ram's horn, and when ye hear the sound of the trumpet, all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city shall fall down flat, and the people shall ascend up every man straight before him.

 It got crazy as sat there and God used him to help break down my walls yet the more he broke down my walls the further away he seemed. God I thought you said we love each other yet it seems like I'm being set free and he's being pushed away. Just think about Rahab as she sat there waiting for them to Cross the Jordan, Waiting for them to get to Jericho and then God said for them to circle around it for days. It seemed like the Children of Israel circling around Jericho a stronghold that would never come down. Like what they were doing was silly yet what they were doing was doing the job. It's funny looking at my own life even though what he was doing seemed silly to me it still was working it was still breaking down my walls. I was getting set free from the bondage of my hardheartedness how could someone so different from me have what it takes enough to help set me free? That goes by saying God can use anyone so don't judge a book by its cover. God sent Ananias a Christian to Saul a Christian Killer to help set him free from his blindness(Act's 9).

 Still after a few days of marching and nothing happening you start to get discouraged. I can only imagine Rahab waiting patiently they promised, I hear them out there when will I finally be free. Not only that but the Children of Israel ready to have what God said was theirs. Jericho securely shut up from past intruders was not coming down fast yet it was coming down!

a-Rising Victory

a·rise  

/əˈrīz/

Verb Emerge; become apparent

Joshua 6:15-17
¹⁵ But it came to pass on the seventh day that they rose early, about the dawning of the day, and marched around the city seven times in the same manner. On that day only they marched around the city seven times. ¹⁶ And the seventh time it happened, when the priests blew the trumpets, that Joshua said to the people: “Shout, for the Lord has given you the city! ¹⁷ Now the city shall be doomed by the Lord to destruction, it and all who are in it. Only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all who are with her in the house, because she hid the messengers that we sent.

Sometimes it takes time but you will win if you have the patients and keep trying. Even when you just don't want to anymore. What if they  would have stopped marching? The walls would have never came down. Think about Naaman in the bible he was a leper who wasn't going to become clean because he didn't want to do something so simple as dipping in the Jordan 7 times. 

^{2 Kings 5:9-14}

 So Naaman came with his horses and with his chariot, and stood at the door of the house of Elisha.And Elisha sent a messenger unto him, saying, Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean.¹¹ But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.¹² Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage.¹³ And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?¹⁴ Then went he down, and dipped himself seven times in Jordan, according to the saying of the man of God: and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.


We must learn that nothing beats a failure but a try. If we give up then we will never know what it is to succeed.  When David went down to the trench to meet his brothers he found everyone their defeated they were stuck where they were not moving forward. Yet not David he was ready for war ready to win his battle in life in which everyone else had been afraid to fight for so long. He was determined that no matter how large this giant was that God would be with him so he was going to win. He knew this because God had been with him from the start. Just as God had told Joshua 

Joshua 1:9

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lordthy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

The people understood that God was with them and they grew faint because they knew that as long as God was on their side the walls they tried to keep up would tumble down. Not because they were weak but because God is strong.When everything was said and done Jericho had fallen down, Rahab was free , David defeated Goliath and Naaman was able to be clean. Sometimes when things happen in life we want to give up because the battle ahead of us looks to big or the way to victory seems strange. Just from writing this blog I am seeing that even though It may look like im in a situation of defeat if I just keep the faith  and trust God I will be able to love. Walls do come tumbling down!!!! Take that wall victory is mine! Love is mine now time to walk past this wall and catch a whiff of this fresh air.