Trauma caused by Prostitution

The way he looked at me

2 Samuel 13:11-12 Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”12 But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing!

Theres this look and i can still see it in their eyes. It makes me nervous. It flashes me back to those days. Its a look of lust. A look of aggression. I feel unsafe and can imagine the thoughts that go thru their head. I know what type of man you are...i see it in your look....i see it its in the depths of your eyes and scares me..

Trauma caused by Prostitution

trau·ma

a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.

Luke 8:2

and certain women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities—Mary called Magdalene, out of whom had come seven demons,

People dont understand how much trauma prostitution brings. Sex was created for marriage. I will tell you as much as sex is pleasuable i wish i would have waited for someone who loves me. The trauma is unbearable. Those moments of pleasure will never add up to the moments of mental trauma i suffer from. I carry pepper spray.I dont like being alone in a room with guys. Certain men when they look at me it gives me flash backs. I know what certain men are like just by my old lifestyle. Its hard to trust. Hard to understand what making love is because sex was just sex. Your numb. You get heartless. Married men cops pastors like prostitutes to. So you wonder if love is real why would a married man want a prostitute why get married if he will sleep with a prostitute? From the moments of thinking will i make it out this sexual encounter because he has a gun. Or just laying their while you get tricked into an alley and get ganged raped. When rape gets so common you learn that if u struggle it will only get worst and so learn to pretend that ur that your enjoying yourself. When you sit in the shower because your dirty your so dirty it wont come off. To the moment where you think someone wants something from you. Leaves you paranoid. You want love and affection but not alot of people can handle your trauma its to much to handle. Its to heavy of a burden.

No ones ever going to love a prostitute? ???

Matthew 1:5

5 Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse,

I think your biggest concern after selling your body is who' gonna love me. Am i even lovable? The trauma...the history...sometimes you wonder if its possible. Salmon and Hosea give hope to woman that prostitute because their wives where both prostitutes. And the had families. Hosea even forgave his harlot wife for her prostitution. Theres hope and theres love for woman like us out their God lets us know that. Not just know that he loves us but that we can have marriage and a family and love not just lust and sex but love.

GOD loves prostitutes

Hebrews 11:31

By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace.

Out of a city of people just the harlot and her family survived. I remember really grasping that Jesus loves me. I remember i was at christian camp and he whispered i love you and i grasped the depths of his love and i cried and i cried it was a love i longed for this. It made my soul happy just to be loved and knowing this love could never be taken from me. It wasnt a one night stand he loved me for me flaws and all he loved me though i was nasty he loved though i cut he loved me though i had trauma he loved me though i wasnt like everyone else. No matter what i didi he loved me. He wasnt going to abandon me or neglect me or beat on me. He wasnt going to lock me up in a jail or put me in a program or put me on meds cuz he knew my problems and how to fix them. He loves me. I was a prostitute and he still loves me. He still saw me...... and still wanted to love me despite of who i was. If your a prostitute know Gpf loves you all of you flaws and all he excepts you grasp it know you are loved